WE DON’T APPRECIATE YOUR LACK OF SARCASM

Good thing, too, because it’d be super gross to put this wallet in your mouth. Mostly because it’s covered with pink fuzzy stuff. But don’t worry. It’s 100% man-made stuff. No ground up adulterous pink cows involved here.

Celebrate the superior character from Bob’s Burgers, Louise, with this wallet that has a bunny skull applique sewn onto one pink fuzzy side. The zip-around closure on this will make it extra hard for a magician to slip your card in there, but the eight slots leave plenty of room for your ID, your parents’ credit cards, and your gun license. Congrats.

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Panda Hug Mug

This mug will hold your cookie! Snuggle into the arms of this cute little friend for a wonderfully relaxing brew and biscuit. Designed to look like an adorable black-and-white panda bear, the Panda Hug Mug is shaped dolomite with a convenient cookie pocket.

Super Mario Bros. Silver Glossary 11 oz. Mug

Take a break from your quest to rescue Princess Peach from that pesky King Koopa and enjoy a nice cuppa in this classy Super Mario Bros. Glossary Mug. Ahh… that’s more like it. Hand wash only. Not dishwasher safe. Do not microwave.

Minecraft Light-Up Enchanted Apple

Consider yourself lucky that you don’t have to craft an Enchanted Apple yourself. It used to take 648 Gold Nuggets just to make one of these, but now you just have to be fortunate enough to come across one. That’s a lot of patience for Absorption IV, Regeneration II, Resistance, and a Fire Resistance buff. But it’s worth it for the ability to take a stroll through some lava.