LIKELY CRASH AND KILL US ALL

Zoe: Proximity alert. Must be comin’ up on somethin’…
Wash: Oh, my god! What can it be? We’re doomed! Who’s flyin’ this thing?
*beat*
Wash: Oh. Right. That’d be me. Back to work.
– “Bushwacked”

We love Wash. His dry sense of humor. His deadpan delivery. His calm in the face of impending disaster. He’d be awesome to have by your side, and not just because you’d end up with plastic dinosaurs in your ship’s glove compartment. Also because you never know when you might need to pull a Crazy Ivan.

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Pitfall! Atari Cartridge Throw Blanket

The original Pitfall! was a blast to play, but the time limit of 20 minutes (while challenging) made us crave more! If only there was a way to blanket ourselves in that nostalgic joy for longer than 20 minutes.

Magic the Gathering Planeswalker Backpack

Wandering the magical realms can be exhausting, especially when you have to carry so many magical artifacts. We really need access to some sort of pocket dimension. That might be excessive though. Maybe something small and portable. Is there such a thing that exists? A device for holding things? Oh yeah. A bag!

X-Men Xavier Institute Crest Hat

So, you know how there are different X-Men teams? Obviously, the most powerful mutants go on the A Team, and then the next powerful group is the B Team, etc. Well, when we went to the Xavier Institute for Higher Learning, they put us on the Z Team. We were the mutants who basically went to the institute to learn. And while the other students got costumes and access to jets… we got to study. At least we got this awesome hat though.