EVERYBODY OUTTA THE WATER!

Ahhh, the beach. The waves crashing. Your toes in the sand. It’s the perfect way to relax. To think of nothing except the dime-store novel you have with you along with your SPF 900. Unless, of course, it’s a Peter Benchley novel. In which case, your mileage may vary.

You know the Earth Day every day movement? We’re here to make “Shark Week every week” a thing. And with these board shorts, you can be a part of that. They’re covered with circling shark fins and one large gaping shark maw, ready to eat you or get its molars looked at by the sharkdentist. (No, sharks don’t have molars.They also don’t get cavities. TL;DR: the surface of their teeth is fluoride, and they shed them constantly.)

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Kitchen Nightmares!

On a dark, haunted night, a Russian oligarch dares a circle of international chefs to play the samurai game of 100 Candles--where each storyteller spins a terrifying tale of ghosts, demons and unspeakable beings--and prays to survive the challenge.

Inspired by the Japanese Edo period game of Hyakumonogatari Kaidankai, Hungry Ghosts reimagines the classic stories of yokai, yorei, and obake, all tainted with the common thread of food.

First course: With bad consequence, a ramen chef refuses to help a beggar, and a band of pirates get more (and less) than they were bargaining for after their encounter with a drowning woman turns ghastly.

Hungry Ghosts is cooked up by the infamous author and chef, Anthony Bourdain (Kitchen Confidential, Emmy-Award winning TV star of Parts Unknown) and acclaimed novelist Joel Rose (Kill, Kill, Faster, Faster, back again from their New York Times #1 best seller, Get Jiro!). Joining them this issue are stellar artists Alberto Ponticelli and Vanesa Del Rey, with amazing color by Jose Villarrubia, and a drop-dead cover by Paul Pope

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Bob Ross Stocking

If you’re a fan of numbers, you probably are already familiar with FiveThirtyEight. Back in 2014, they did a fascinating analysis of Bob Ross’s The Joy of Painting. Turns out there are a statistically significant number of happy little trees. There are “snow-covered mountains” in 26% of his on-air works, and generic snow in 19%.

Nintendo Super Mario Boo Bean Bag Chair

Boo may be one of the most-recognizable baddies in the entire Super Mario franchise, but this one doesn’t want you to think of it as an enemy. It just wants to snuggle with you! But it’s pretty shy, so you should probably wait for it to make the first move.

Harry Potter Canvas Art

Welcome to Hogwarts, school of witchcraft and wizardry. A wonderful place filled with sights beyond imagination. It is truly one of the prestigious magical schools in the world… as long as you can survive every year. Don’t mind the hissing you hear from behind the walls.