WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON ANYWAY?

Psst, kid. We hear you’re interested in flying a TIE Fighter for the Empire. Being one of the few TIE Fighter Pilots of our class still alive, let us tell you why that’s a bad idea. For starters, these birds aren’t built to last. Cantina jukeboxes are made of sturdier stuff. Sure, you got your crash webbing, your repulsor lift anti-gravity field, and your high-g shock seat, but none of those prevent you from taking a shot where it hurts. While you do have an ejection seat, if you want a better death, don’t use it. Exploding is a quicker way to go. The “best” part? The near anonymity. At your funeral, people will say, “Wait… is this the service for DS-36-3 or DS-63-3? I always got those guys mixed up.” What I’m trying to say is… there are better careers out there. Go join the Senate or something.

This heather charcoal tee is speckled with a starfield all over. There are some TIE Fighters zooming in on the front, and the pocket is a bit of the Death Star. Better to keep that on your pocket than in it, considering how they tend to go out. Explosions may be good for cardio, but they’re not good when applied to the heart muscle itself.

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