WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON ANYWAY?

Psst, kid. We hear you’re interested in flying a TIE Fighter for the Empire. Being one of the few TIE Fighter Pilots of our class still alive, let us tell you why that’s a bad idea. For starters, these birds aren’t built to last. Cantina jukeboxes are made of sturdier stuff. Sure, you got your crash webbing, your repulsor lift anti-gravity field, and your high-g shock seat, but none of those prevent you from taking a shot where it hurts. While you do have an ejection seat, if you want a better death, don’t use it. Exploding is a quicker way to go. The “best” part? The near anonymity. At your funeral, people will say, “Wait… is this the service for DS-36-3 or DS-63-3? I always got those guys mixed up.” What I’m trying to say is… there are better careers out there. Go join the Senate or something.

This heather charcoal tee is speckled with a starfield all over. There are some TIE Fighters zooming in on the front, and the pocket is a bit of the Death Star. Better to keep that on your pocket than in it, considering how they tend to go out. Explosions may be good for cardio, but they’re not good when applied to the heart muscle itself.

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Panda Hug Mug

This mug will hold your cookie! Snuggle into the arms of this cute little friend for a wonderfully relaxing brew and biscuit. Designed to look like an adorable black-and-white panda bear, the Panda Hug Mug is shaped dolomite with a convenient cookie pocket.

Super Mario Bros. Silver Glossary 11 oz. Mug

Take a break from your quest to rescue Princess Peach from that pesky King Koopa and enjoy a nice cuppa in this classy Super Mario Bros. Glossary Mug. Ahh… that’s more like it. Hand wash only. Not dishwasher safe. Do not microwave.

Minecraft Light-Up Enchanted Apple

Consider yourself lucky that you don’t have to craft an Enchanted Apple yourself. It used to take 648 Gold Nuggets just to make one of these, but now you just have to be fortunate enough to come across one. That’s a lot of patience for Absorption IV, Regeneration II, Resistance, and a Fire Resistance buff. But it’s worth it for the ability to take a stroll through some lava.