12:30?! AUTO, WHY DIDN’T YOU WAKE US FOR MORNING ANNOUNCEMENTS?

Well, good morning, everybody, and welcome to Day 255,642 aboard the Axiom. As always, the weather is a balmy 72 degrees and sunny, and, uh… Oh, I see the ship’s log is showing that today is the 700th anniversary of our five year cruise. Well, I’m sure our forefathers would be proud to know that 700 years later we’d be… doing the exact same thing they were doing. So, be sure next mealtime to ask for your “Free Septuacentennial Cupcake In A Cup”! Wow, look at that. – The Captain

Wall-E. He’s a little robot with a lot of time on his hands. And now you can have both Wall-E and an infinite amount of time on your hands, literally with this Wall-E robot watch.

With a face 2″ across, Wall-E’s soulful black eyes will peer back at you every time you check your watch, as if to say, “Why are you stuck in this meeting / class / boring thing you’re doing? You’re merely surviving. Don’t you want to live?!” Let this watch remind you to get out there in a timely manner.

Buy now from THINKGEEK

Kitchen Nightmares!

On a dark, haunted night, a Russian oligarch dares a circle of international chefs to play the samurai game of 100 Candles--where each storyteller spins a terrifying tale of ghosts, demons and unspeakable beings--and prays to survive the challenge.

Inspired by the Japanese Edo period game of Hyakumonogatari Kaidankai, Hungry Ghosts reimagines the classic stories of yokai, yorei, and obake, all tainted with the common thread of food.

First course: With bad consequence, a ramen chef refuses to help a beggar, and a band of pirates get more (and less) than they were bargaining for after their encounter with a drowning woman turns ghastly.

Hungry Ghosts is cooked up by the infamous author and chef, Anthony Bourdain (Kitchen Confidential, Emmy-Award winning TV star of Parts Unknown) and acclaimed novelist Joel Rose (Kill, Kill, Faster, Faster, back again from their New York Times #1 best seller, Get Jiro!). Joining them this issue are stellar artists Alberto Ponticelli and Vanesa Del Rey, with amazing color by Jose Villarrubia, and a drop-dead cover by Paul Pope

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Bob Ross Stocking

If you’re a fan of numbers, you probably are already familiar with FiveThirtyEight. Back in 2014, they did a fascinating analysis of Bob Ross’s The Joy of Painting. Turns out there are a statistically significant number of happy little trees. There are “snow-covered mountains” in 26% of his on-air works, and generic snow in 19%.

Nintendo Super Mario Boo Bean Bag Chair

Boo may be one of the most-recognizable baddies in the entire Super Mario franchise, but this one doesn’t want you to think of it as an enemy. It just wants to snuggle with you! But it’s pretty shy, so you should probably wait for it to make the first move.

Harry Potter Canvas Art

Welcome to Hogwarts, school of witchcraft and wizardry. A wonderful place filled with sights beyond imagination. It is truly one of the prestigious magical schools in the world… as long as you can survive every year. Don’t mind the hissing you hear from behind the walls.